Monday, 31 July 2017

5 Things I am Thankful For Despite Bullshits Going Through in My Life



I know, I haven't been updating my blog since May and I apologize for it. The main reason is that I have been quite busy finding a part time job and when I got one, my sleeping pattern totally changed which leads to me not having time to shoot for my blog. Well, one gotta to do everything to keep life intact. 

How are you guys ? I am fine here, just that I'm stuck with working schedule.

For the past few months, I've dealt with a lot of bullshits. The kind which drags me down and I think I was borderline having a depression - don't quote me on that. Ever felt that whenever you wake up in the morning and feel like you want to die because of all the problems hit you all at once ? That's what I went through. What excites me was going to sleep in hope that you're gonna die in your sleep. I know, it's bizarre - even for me too! 

I bet that people who knows me in real life would think " when did you even went through that ? " or " are you sure you're depressed because through Instagram, it looks like you weren't " . Well, not many people - actually, none - because I am good at hiding my emotions and dark thoughts. I mean, why would I show my dark thoughts on Instagram ? People wouldn't even care, nonetheless. 




As for this blog post, I am not going to discuss about the bullshits I went through. Believe me, I have written the whole article about the bullshits I went through but I decided to not upload it because negativities are not what I want to be the highlight of my blog. Instead, I want to reflect on what I am grateful for the past few months.

I still have my strong support system

I have to admit, going through shitty things for the past few months have brought me down a few times. I rarely talk to anyone about it because I don't want people be overly worried about me. Even when I kept my problems quiet, my close circle of friends manage to make me laugh and makes me forget about it temporarily. It's not permanent but at least I'm not thinking about it for a short period of time which makes me live my life carefree. 

When I told my girlfriend about my problem, she was very understanding and she supported me and talk me through it. I am grateful for that because I know sometimes when I tell my problems to people, they belittle me and see it as petty instead of something huge that eventually affects them in an unthinkable way.

My sister, even though at times I don't really talk to her but whenever we're out, she makes me happy and makes me forget about my problems. No, she didn't know about it and I don't think she reads my blog - that's not the case. I actually learned a lot from her because she went through depression for almost a year and a half and she managed to stand up and start from the bottom. 

My mom and dad, I know they're going through a rough patch for the past few months but I am amused on how supportive they are towards each other. What I learned from them is to always be patience in whatever you do. 




I learn to love myself

Most of the time, I am alone. When I am alone, my brain will eventually come up with a lot of dark thoughts. All these dark thoughts can eventually own you and commit things that you didn't expect to do but I don't know how, I manage to reflect all those thoughts into positive things. It is not easy for me to love myself because I have always seen myself as ugly and unattractive - if my girlfriend read this, I bet she goes like " I thought you're the most narcissist person in the world ?! ". Yes, in real life, I sometimes sounds like a narcissist but at the end of the day, it is the only way to make myself love my skin and my body.

I still have a purpose

Everyone has their own purpose in life. Some wakes up everyday to go to class because they want to get that 4.0 GPA and have the best career of their life, some wakes up in the morning going to work because they want to provide for their children, some had to stay up late because they have to finish their work so that they will get promoted while I on the other hand, had never thought that I have a purpose of living. Whenever I wake up in the morning - or in the afternoon, I might add - I feel like I don't have any purpose. After going through these shits, I realize my purpose in which I live to inspire others who needs inspiration. 





I am still learning

When you're going through a downward spiral, sometimes you're too focus on the negativities that you ignored the silver lining. After each problems occurred, I manage to take a step back and learn from it. Even when I am too distracted with my problems, I always take my time to learn things. For instance, I failed 3 subjects 2 times in a row and it brought me down and I felt depressed but when I started the new semester, I decided to learn from what I did which leads to failing the same subject. Thank god that the latest result brought me happiness. It was worth it. 

I still pray

My life has been difficult at times and when it does, I tend to forget that I am a Muslim and whenever a Muslim got caught in anything, praying is the best way to connect to God and let Him know that you need His help. My imaan (faith) constantly goes up and down and I have to admit that sometimes I forgot to pray but I am thankful that even when I am distracted, I still manage to talk to Him and hopefully He will help his followers. And nobody knows that whenever I want to go to sleep, I sometimes whisper to Him and let him know all my problems with hope that it will go.





As for my readers, whatever you go through, never lose faith. God will never put you through an obstacle if He knows that you cannot go through it. Remember to always take a step back and reflect back all the things going through in your life and be thankful that it had happened because at the end of the day, we're all humans and humans learns from their mistakes.



1 comment

  1. Is this why you were away Eyman? I harap sangat you feel loads, loads better now. I hope talking about it here gets you through it too, like how some bloggers find it therapeutic. The fact that your last point (and it sounded like the most important one) was "I Still Pray" made me very proud, just the fact that you acknowledged it! Only God knows the plans He has laid out for us, so it's always helpful to turn to Him whenever these dark thoughts enter your mind. I always need to remind myself of that too. I'm also very glad you have your girlfriend and your sister to help you through this phase. Say hi to them okkk. See you on Instagram <3

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