Tuesday, 2 May 2017 Ipoh , Malaysia

I Just Want To Be Your Symphony

Song Of The Day - Symphony by Clean Bandit feat. Zara Larsson

I've spent most of my days on the last week of April going back and forth from home to the hospital. In case you missed it, my late grandma was admitted to the hospital on 26th of April due to high fever. If you've been following my Instagram and watch my Instagram Stories, you would've known that she passed away on 28th of April, exactly at 4:07pm. I'm lying if I'm not sad, truly, I am sad because I have spent 20 years of my life growing up under her roof. She's the heart of the house, the sole reason why everyone in the house has a purpose. Thus, when she's gone, a small part of each one of us is gone. 

This OOTD was taken on 23rd of April which was just 3 days before she was admitted to the hospital. I don't know why but maybe it's a way of God telling me that at that moment, she will be gone soon as don an almost all black outfit. 

I wished I could've spend more time with her but as a grandchild, I did all the things that I could. I know, it's not like me to write something very sentimental in a blog post but it is just what I could do as of right now. 

I remembered when I was 9 or 10, I used to sleep beside her in my great grandma's room after she passed away. I remembered that every Ramadhan, I'll go perform my Tarawikh with her and in each Ramadhan, she has this one song that she will sing every single day until Eid Mubarak. I remembered that I used to help her with gardening as she loves it so much. We used to plant Orchids together at the porch. Her favourite Orchid would be the purple one. 

Every time I got back from college or boarding school, she'll always tell me that she'll not gonna feel lonely as I am here at home. She says " I'm happy that I will have a friend and the house won't be as silent as it was " I know, it's heartbreaking.

As of now, it's no use on wishing to have more time with her because she's sleeping peacefully. I know I can adjust myself to the fact that she's gone but what I could not - hopefully I will, in time - fathom is the fact that some of my usual routine will change. I will not go out at night just to buy her her favourite pizza. I will not have to accompany her to the clinic. I will not have to stay at home, looking after her while my maid and my aunt goes out to buy groceries. I will not have to say goodbye and kiss her cheeks before I go back to college and the list goes on and on.  

I guess I learned my lesson. Each and every one of us will go, eventually. While we are still here, put your best effort to cherish every single moment that you can. Death is inevitable but memories won't fade away. 

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